Trump: Why did you invite the Clintons to your wedding? If you say “because they were friends of mine,” but now you say they are liars and criminals, I have to ask, “Since ‘liars and criminals’ are included among your friends, how many of them are working on your campaign?”
The Clintons: Why did you attend Trump’s wedding? Bill, was it so you could hit on Melania? Hillary, did you go to show Melania what proper behavior for a classy, cultured, intelligent woman looks like?
Trump: While I realize Ivana had a role in this, why did you allow your daughter to be named Ivanka? How cruel! This isn’t the Czech Republic, Croatia, or Russia. You should have christened her with a more appropriate, a more American name, like Tiffany, Terra, or Trollop Trump.
Hillary: Why did you set yourself up for trouble by calling Trump’s followers “the deplorables?” You wouldn’t have to back pedal and apologize if you had simply described their behavior at his rallies as “deplorable.” Even if they are the deplorables.
Trump: When this election is over and you’ve lost it — well, you’ve already lost it — have you considered forming a band called Donald and the Deplorables?
Trump: When this election is over, will you be bolting from the Republican Party and beginning a Third Party, The Deplorable Party?
Mike Pence: What the hell were you thinking when you agreed to be Trump’s running mate? Did you see it as a career move for future elections? That plan didn’t work so well long-term for the last Hoosier to hold the second spot on a Republican ticket. Does the name Dan Quail mean anything to you? Quail? Quayl? Quayle? How do you spell that anyway? Does it have an “e” on the end?
Ted Cruz: What the fuck were you thinking when you endorsed Trump? I thought Conservative Evangelical Republicans believed in “the sanctity of marriage.”
Hillary: Why haven’t you repeatedly reminded the millions of attention-deficit Americans that Republicans have been looking for excuses to attack you since you became Arkansas’ First Lady in 1979 and had the audacity to maintain a career and identity separate from that of your husband, defying anti-feminist Republican antiquated expectations? Why haven’t you said that simply repeating biased charges, exaggerations, and lies over decades does not make them true? And while you’re at it, Hillary, why haven’t you explained to those Americans opposed to establishment politics, politics as usual, that, while being an outsider advocating major changes in the system, the process, like Trump, might sound good on the surface, unless the 100 senators and 435 congresspersons are replaced at the same time with like-minded radicals, the system will not change. Covering a canvas equally in red and blue paint, with one small dot of Trump-hair orange in the bottom right corner, does not make the creation an orange painting.
Trump, his surrogates, and any of his followers: Name five Secretaries of State who served before your birth. You can’t. But you insist Hillary was the worst Secretary of State EVER. You also say she is the most dishonest politician ever. EVER. By what method are you comparing her to ALL previous politicians in our 240 year history? You claim she is involved in the worst cover-up EVER. OK. Without Google, explain the Teapot Dome Scandal. Again, you can’t. It is obvious, then, NONE of you have a fucking clue what you are talking about. Enough with the baseless rabble-rousing hyperbole. Oh, alright. You may use Google to look up “hyperbole.”
Trump: If being a rich celebrity gives you the right to grab women’s private areas, then that would apply to Elton John, Ricky Martin, and Rosie O’Donnell. How would you feel if any of them grabbed you or your sons’ crotches?
The Apparent 37-40% of Americans Who Support Trump: What would you like for your final meal?