Envelope Flaps

“And the Oscar for Best Motion Picture goes to”  . . . Warren Beatty pauses . . . He looks into the envelope . . . He mumbles something  . . .  He looks into the envelope a second time, pulling it slightly apart searching for a second card, an answer, a solution . .  . He looks with confused desperation at co-presenter Faye Dunaway . . . He looks over her shoulder to the theater wings . . . Beatty then hands the envelope to Ms. Dunaway . . . and the rest is history. Social media, fake media, real media, and the entire world reacted. But what would have happened, what would the reaction have been if . . .

. . . the parents of brilliant 1960s student Ronald Truntz opened the envelope containing his report card expecting to find straight As, but instead found a series of Fs and didn’t notice that the name at the top of the report card was Donald Trump’s.

. . .  Maury Povich opened the envelopes determining the real fathers of Eric Trump, Donald Trump Jr, and Barron Trump, and read the names Beavis, Butthead and Steve Bannon.

. . . an assumed congratulatory card opened on Inauguration Day 2017 by a White House mailroom worker contained a card featuring a flame covered front, Satan and his sinister smile, and a stylized 666. What would have the world’s response been if, when opened, the card cackled with devilish laughter as an evil voice said, “Wish you were here.”

. . . an invitation to a tell-all book publication party sent to the White House by Ivana Trump, Donald’s first wife,  addressed to The Donald and Trophy Wife #3, the Immigrant Slut.

. . . a large Manilla envelope sent to each Senate Democrat  marked “North Korea Nuclear Bomb Briefing” but contained photos of Donald Trump being urinated on by a 16-year-old  Russian prostitute.

. . . another large Manilla envelope marked “Donald Trump’s Tax Return” arrived at Fox News and it showed that he had made $10,000 charitable contributions to the ACLU, several Equal Rights organizations, Planned Parenthood, NOW, and The United Negro College Fund. But not one of that fake network’s brilliant minds noticed that it was the tax return of my imagined Trump schoolmate Ronald Truntz.

. . . the Electoral College tally regarding the 2016 election came in an envelope…the state-by-state results were kept secret… and the contents read: Donald Trump 304, Hillary Clinton 227. And their names were written in the Cyrillic alphabet.

. . . the Electoral College tally regarding the 2016 election came in an envelope…the state-by-state results were kept secret… and the contents read: Hillary Clinton 304, Donald Trump 227. But it was an inadvertent reversal of the numbers, a mistake. Like what happened at the Academy Awards.  Imagine the Right’s conspiracy claims. Or what if the numbers were correct?  Imagine the charges by the Right of “fake news.”

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